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About Other / Hobbyist Frank Allen24/Male/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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Newest Deviations

Garrus Vakarian by Total-Tortilla Garrus Vakarian :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 2 2 The Fourth by Total-Tortilla The Fourth :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 0 2 MLFH - Songs by Total-Tortilla MLFH - Songs :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 2 0 Kingly and whatnot by Total-Tortilla Kingly and whatnot :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 5 16 Marshall Lee by Total-Tortilla Marshall Lee :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 1 0 Jazz Band by Total-Tortilla Jazz Band :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 3 5 Righteous by Total-Tortilla Righteous :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 3 2 It's Crockett by Total-Tortilla It's Crockett :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 3 0 Ian and a Dog by Total-Tortilla Ian and a Dog :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 2 6 The Hunter by Total-Tortilla The Hunter :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 2 0 Hyper ID - August 2011 by Total-Tortilla Hyper ID - August 2011 :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 3 36 MLFH - Cereal by Total-Tortilla MLFH - Cereal :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 6 36 ID that looks different by Total-Tortilla ID that looks different :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 3 6 A bass and a hat by Total-Tortilla A bass and a hat :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 2 9 Music Meme by Total-Tortilla Music Meme :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 4 12 Nuzlocke Comics 2 - Too Soon by Total-Tortilla Nuzlocke Comics 2 - Too Soon :icontotal-tortilla:Total-Tortilla 2 3
Here's the stuff you probably came here for. Meh. I'm not that good. Enjoy anyway.

Random Favourites

Yummy lol by NorisGoddess
Mature content
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My first Engrish find by SkippyWoodFood My first Engrish find :iconskippywoodfood:SkippyWoodFood 8 31 006. Break Away by ceebers 006. Break Away :iconceebers:ceebers 15 46 Feral Beauty by ChaloDillo
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Feral Beauty :iconchalodillo:ChaloDillo 1,984 178
Radar by kris-wilson Radar :iconkris-wilson:kris-wilson 4,104 0 Katrina Headphones by KianJimenez Katrina Headphones :iconkianjimenez:KianJimenez 841 95 New SMB wii collab by Nintendrawer New SMB wii collab :iconnintendrawer:Nintendrawer 494 237 Summer Daisy by SigurdHosenfeld Summer Daisy :iconsigurdhosenfeld:SigurdHosenfeld 7,340 546 Fight the Power by jbwarner86 Fight the Power :iconjbwarner86:jbwarner86 286 47 all i'm trying to say is... by oh-odree all i'm trying to say is... :iconoh-odree:oh-odree 38 12 FOR MAILMEN by metaknightgirl12 FOR MAILMEN :iconmetaknightgirl12:metaknightgirl12 8 9 Left 4 Space XD by GoldenSunBlue Left 4 Space XD :icongoldensunblue:GoldenSunBlue 1 37 Goatbusters Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Goatbusters Stamp :iconkezzi-rose:Kezzi-Rose 3,402 214 Cutman Proves Heterosexuality by Milesmagnificent Cutman Proves Heterosexuality :iconmilesmagnificent:Milesmagnificent 8 27 Hat by ceebers Hat :iconceebers:ceebers 6 78

Activity


    I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I've just been feeling introspective lately. Odds are the people I'm writing this for will never see it, and I don't intend to seek them out. If they do come across it, they'll know who they are. This isn't a suicide note, this is just something I need to get out in the open air.

    All I want is to say I'm sorry.

    When I was a teenager, I joined DeviantArt in the midst of a lot of life troubles. Here, I found a group of friends that I spoke to nearly every day, some more than friends I knew personally. We'd laughed and drew things for each other, even creating stories with characters we'd make up that week. One girl I'd been talking to in that time managed to steal my heart, and we dated for nearly three years. My friends at school didn't understand and my parents thought it was stupid, but nothing could shake the love I had for her at the time.

    Eventually, we made plans for me to use every penny I had to buy a plane ticket and fly across the country to be with her. Once I'd graduated high school, I'd finally be with the love of my life, and I told everyone I could. I don't remember what the catalyst was, but it dawned on me one day that this wasn't the best idea. When I shared my thoughts, she snapped at me, saying I'd given up and I was a coward. Soon enough, every one of our friends began to message me saying the same thing. We broke up, and every friend we had went with her, leaving me all alone.

    The next week was almost exclusively spent in tears. I couldn't sleep or eat, and I barely left my bedroom. Why would I want to go on like this? Attempts to reconcile with anyone were ignored, and there wasn't much of anyone I could turn to. Wallowing alone was about the only thing I was able to do for the longest time. As I sat and thought about everything I'd lost, I started to come to a few realizations. A handful were the girl I'd lost, trying to come up with reasons why losing her was a good thing so I'd stop being so broken up about it. The more I thought, however, the more my thoughts turned to the friends I'd lost as well. I remembered all of the good times we'd shared. I remembered the hardships I'd tried to support them through. As I dug deeper, other memories surfaced. Things I'd either viewed differently at the time or outright repressed.

    In my darkest moments, I started to realize that I was a shitty person back then.

    I don't know how it didn't occur to me at the time, but I did a lot of things that I still hate to think about. Friends would be going through important issues in their lives and I'd try to turn things into a pity party for myself. I made a nickname for one girl based on her cup size. Someone would post a picture of a character and I'd talk about how much I'd like to fuck their character, in detail. I drew (bad) sexual pictures of a friend despite having a girlfriend at the time. I often treated my girlfriend like she wasn't that important, ignoring her feelings or making fun of what she liked because I thought it was funny. There's one or two things that come to mind that I can't even bring myself to type them out. Basically, I was a creepy scumbag, and I'm still shocked any of them tolerated it for one second.

    When all of this dawned on me, it hit like a truck. I've lost sleep over how bad of a person I once was. No wonder nobody ever wanted to talk to me again. I guess everyone just needed a good reason, and breaking up with my girlfriend was as good as any. I'm sure there were those that had reasons separate from the others, but the point stands. I was a rancid piece of human filth, and there's no excuse for my actions.

    I'm not looking for pity, nor am I looking to mend old bridges. Those burned too long ago. All I want is for anyone I was once involved with to know that I'm sorry for anything I'd ever done to them for any reason. I don't care if you don't forgive me, because I know a lot of you won't. Just know that ever since then, I've been working to better myself. I don't want to be that kind of person to anyone ever again.

    I'm sorry for everything, everyone. I hope that your lives have been fulfilling and wonderful in my absence. I know some of you are going to do great things one day.

    -Frank.

deviantID

Total-Tortilla
Frank Allen
Artist | Hobbyist | Other
United States
I don't use this anymore why are you here

Go look at my tumblr, I occasionally do shit there
Interests

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconlintu47:
Lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Happy early Birthday! :happy birthday: by iDJPanda
:iconflyingheartsplz: birthday cake by Chibivillecute :iconflyingheartsplz:
Have a wonderful day! Best wishes,
Cristina. :happybounce:
Reply
:iconjasperinity:
Jasperinity Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2015
Happy birthday! :D
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:iconbirthdays:
birthdays Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2015
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

It's January 9th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: KoudelkaW
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:iconjasperinity:
Jasperinity Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014
Happy birthday! :D
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:iconbirthdays:
birthdays Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014
:iconballoondivider1::iconballoondivider3::iconballoondivider3::iconballoondivider3::iconballoondivider3::iconballoondivider3::iconballoondivider4:

:woohoo: :iconcakelickplz: :iconballoonsplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconballoonsplz2: :iconcakelickplz:  :woohoo: 

It's January 9th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year! 

:iconballoonrideplz:

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: hiddendelights
Reply
:iconanimeno1fan:
AnimeNo1Fan Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconcuteicondividerplz::iconcuteicondividerplz::iconcuteicondividerplz::iconcuteicondividerplz::iconcuteicondividerplz::iconcuteicondividerplz::iconcuteicondividerplz:
:iconbummy1::iconbummy2::iconbummy3::iconbummy1::iconbummy2::iconbummy3:
:party::iconhappybirthday1plz::iconhappybirthdayplz2::iconhappybirthdayplz3::iconhappybirthdayplz4::party:
:iconcaekplz::iconbummyballoonplz::iconbirthdaycakeplz::iconbummyballoonplz::iconcaekplz:
:iconbummy1::iconbummy2::iconbummy3::iconbummy1::iconbummy2::iconbummy3:
:iconpinkbow2plz::iconpinkbow3plz::iconpinkbow4plz::iconpinkbow5plz::iconpinkbow6plz::iconpinkbow1plz::iconpinkbow2plz:
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:icongoldensunblue:
GoldenSunBlue Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Student Digital Artist
HEY YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Reply
:icontotal-tortilla:
Total-Tortilla Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
HEY THANKS
Reply
:icongoldensunblue:
GoldenSunBlue Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Digital Artist
welcome!
Reply
:iconlintu47:
Lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Happy Bday! :party:
:iconmedicakeplz:
Reply
:icontotal-tortilla:
Total-Tortilla Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconbirthdays:
birthdays Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
:iconcakelickplz: :iconforyouplz: :iconheartballoonplz: :iconpresentplz: :party: :iconcakelickplz:

:iconyourocksonicplz: !!! HAPPY :iconslipperyhugplz: BIRTHDAY !!! :iconyourocksonicplz:

:iconcakelickplz: :party: :iconpresentplz: :iconheartballoonplz: :iconforyouplz: :iconcakelickplz:

It's January 9 th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake :iconsmilecakeplz: !

Here's to another great year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

:iconiloveit-plz: ---Birthdays Team :iconiloveit-plz:
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: :iconlovelyheartsplz: *Cmac13 :iconcuteheartz:

Reply
:iconice-or-fire:
ice-or-fire Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
Hello!:iconbirthdayllamaplz:
Happy [early] birthday!
Have a wonderful day and fabulous year!
Reply
:iconchica-bonita-duh:
Chica-Bonita-duh Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012  Student General Artist
just a random howdy! hope things are goin well for you X)
Reply
:icontotal-tortilla:
Total-Tortilla Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Ohay! Things is going pretty good. Got a job, gettin' back to college in the fall... life's good.

You?
Reply
:iconchica-bonita-duh:
Chica-Bonita-duh Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012  Student General Artist
thats great! glad its treatin you well 8)
i just graduated n gonna start college in ze fall~ had a couple downers this year, but theres more reasons to happy instead X)
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:icontotal-tortilla:
Total-Tortilla Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Hooray for the bright side!
Reply
:icongoldensunblue:
GoldenSunBlue Featured By Owner May 17, 2012  Student Digital Artist
we haven't talked in forever ; 3 ;

how are you?
Reply
:icontotal-tortilla:
Total-Tortilla Featured By Owner May 17, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I'm doing alright. In college, soon-to-be employed at a theatre, playing ukulele like crazy... life's good.

You?
Reply
:icondragon75394:
Dragon75394 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2012  Hobbyist
Did you guys ever get The Voice cover?
Who was the one going to do that? I forgot >.<
Reply
:icontotal-tortilla:
Total-Tortilla Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Well, the EP is out, if that's what you mean. Hit up the band Facebook page, I'm pretty sure it tells you how to buy.
Reply
:icondragon75394:
Dragon75394 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2012  Hobbyist
I mean the picture...
Who was the one doing that?
Or what was your guys' CD called?
Matt had asked me to draw the cover, but he hasn't asked me again. Then i found you. So I was just wondrin if you guys figured that out.
Reply
:icontotal-tortilla:
Total-Tortilla Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Honestly, I'm not really sure. I'm not really in the band anymore, so I'm pretty out of the loop. If you want that kind of info, hit up Jamison. ~JamisonDotJenkins
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(1 Reply)
:iconlokno:
Lokno Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2012
Thanks for the fav!
Reply
:icontotal-tortilla:
Total-Tortilla Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks for continuing popularity of one of the most beautiful games ever made!
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